Don't Mess With Toasters
by Chibi Kamel
Summary: The Gundam guy's whole morning is turned upside down by a very stranger toaster. Its very insane.
1. Dont Mess With Toasters

"Hum, hum, hu-hum" Quatre buzzed around the Gundam pilots kitchen on what seemed like an ordinary morning ****

Don't Mess With Toasters

"Hum, hum, hu-hum" Quatre buzzed around the Gundam pilots kitchen on what seemed like an ordinary morning. Clad in his usual khakis and vest with his bright yellow "breakfast-making-apron" securely fastened around his waist, pilot 04 made pancakes.

"Brusha, brusha, brusha, swoosh, blah, spit." Trowa cleaned his pearly whites in the upstairs bathroom. He wiped off some extra toothpaste foam on a blue terry cloth towel and headed downstairs for some food.

"Tick, Tick, Tick, RINGCLANGBOOMBAM!!!" sounded Duo's alarm clock. The groggy pilot fell out of bed and into his floppy priest-like outfit. Picking up his hair brush, he went to war against bed-head. 

"Tinker, Tinker, click, zzz" Heero sat at the kitchen table with a screwdriver in one hand and a fiercely bent up toaster in the other. He attempted to undo last nights fury, which had been unleashed on the Brave Little Toaster.

Silence. Wufei sat cross-legged in front of twenty burning candles. A usual morning ritual for the devoted pilot: Nataku Worship Time.

Duo yawned widely and cracked his wrists as he finished braiding his long mahogany locks. Shuffling into the kitchen, he plopped himself into the chair next to Heero.

"Hey Heero, why bother fixing that piece of Junk? Why don't you just go get a new one. I here there's a sale at target, you even get a free blender. I sure could use a banana shake right now. How 'bout it Heero?"

"Maxwell you talk to much" Heero continued with his tinkering. "Plus this toaster is special."

Duo shook his head. "What is so special about _that_ toaster?!?" 

"Watch this…" Heero then uncharacteristically made a silly face into the shiny surface of the now patched up toaster and instantly perfect toast popped out. "What do you think of that!"

"Your insane! Let me try!" Duo began to play with the toaster.

Trowa waltzed in and pulled up a chair across from Duo and Quatre set down a tower of pancakes into the center of the blue checked table cloth.

"Breakfast is served! I made special chocolate chip ones for you Duo." Quatre smiled as Duo's attention switched from his toaster toy to the food.

Duo helped himself to a very tall stack of chocolate chip pancakes ( topped with a mountain of maple syrup and whip cream) and stuffed his face full of them. "Twhanks Qwuatre!" he managed to choke out between mouthfuls. 

Trowa couldn't help but chuckle at the mess Duo was making. Heero just shrugged and pretended to ignore him. All in all it was a pretty regular morning.

Meanwhile…

Beads of perspiration welled up on the back of Wufei's neck and trickled down to dampen his white silk overcoat.

"This can't be…" he whispered under his breath. "I'm sensing something strange…"

He clenched his teeth together and concentrated hard on the image he was meditating on till his eyes shot open and his breathing became labored.

"What on earth? I must stop his injustice…" The troubled boy leapt into the kitchen making Quatre jump out of his skin. 

"Quatre! You spilled tea all over my new toaster friend!" Duo complained as he rubbed it off with a napkin.

"NO Duo Don't!!!" Wufei screamed at him. "That toaster is possessed!!!" 

"What the hell are you talking about" Heero quipped while the rest stared blankly and skeptically at the bent up toaster.

Suddenly the toaster glowed bright green and floated in a sparkling aura above the table.

"You have awakened da Genie of de Toaster!" The green smoke spoke in a husky Italian accent "Hey you, ya you the one with the dirty hair and weird clothes, ya I'm talking you you."

"I can't believe the toaster can talk…" Duo blinked 

Wufei attempted a shout of caution but the genie caught him.

"Silence, one who is a wearing girly bootie slippers! The only one who is a gonna speak is da one who rubbed my toaster and dats who I'm a gonna givea one wish to. That means you braid boy."

"Ha Ha! He got you there Wu-Wu! Good one Ge-ne!" duo laughed as Wufei shot a resentful scoul at his jolly co-pilot.

The Genie of the Toaster turned and stared at the chuckling shinigami. "You, I like-a you. So hows about making your wish, huh? I got places to go people to see so spit it out."

"Alright Ge-ne" Duo began to think. "Now what to wish for…"

Four Hours later…

Duo still sat with his arms crossed and dollar signs rotating in his pupils.

"What the Heck is taking so long Maxwell!" Heero finally blew and banged his fists on the table top.

"Alright, I got it!" A little light bulb flicked on above his head. The pilots let out a sigh of relief.

"No…wait…I don't got it…" The others grumbled with disgust.

"Alright! This time I really got it!!"

"Wait, no…"

"You is a damn fool that's what you is now you have a taken to long to a makea your decision so now I'ma gonna have to-a makea youa suffer." The Genie zapped Duo with a bolt of lightening and disappeared back into the toaster.

"Eeeep" Pilot 03 meekly uttered before the room filled with smoke.

The pilots coughed and wheezed through the pitch till the haze cleared.

"Ahhhh! I can't breath!" Quatre gasped. "I'm allergic to smoke!"

"Sucks to you Ass-mar" Heero grunted.

"Did anybody see what happened to Duo?" Trowa asked as visibility returned.

"Look around that Genie probably cursed him." Wufei suggested.

"Aww! Look I found a kitty!" Quatre squeaked as he picked up a hissing brown bundle of fur.

"Hey I think that hair ball is Duo!" Commented Trowa as Neko Duo batted at Quatre's bangs.

"Duo got what he deserved" Wufei accused "He called me Wu-Wu and made fun of my booties."

"You had better figure outa way to get this spell reversed or else Neko Duo may be leaving presents for you in your booties." Heero got up and poured himself some coffee.

Wufei angrily stormed out of the kitchen, disgusted with the injustice of it all.

"Aww, Trowa look he's so cute!" Quatre pushed the fuzz ball into Trowa's face. "Can we keep him, pleeeeeeze Trowa!

"Only if you promise to make sure he has fresh food and water and you clean up all his messes." Trowa humored puppy-eyed Quatre as he picked Neko Duo hairs of the syrup.

"Yay!" Quatre pranced off to his room with his new playmate. Neko Duo dug his claws into Quatre's vest and growled, but 04 didn't seem to notice.

Trowa and Heero shook their heads and finished their (now cold and extremely late) breakfast.

Meanwhile…

Wufei perched cross-legged once again in front of his Nataku shrine. This time with about 30 more candles and a whole pile of incense sticks. He chanted and meditated till he just couldn't meditate no more, fearing a little kitty present in his bootie.

Meanwhile…

"Would you like some more tea Neko Duo" Quatre offered the infuriated kitten. Duo was tied down to a plastic play chair in front of an elaborately decorated plastic table.

"Lets see, tea cups…check…plastic cupcakes…check…pink bonnet for Neko Duo…check…" Duo hissed as Quatre tightened the bow holding on his frilly pink baby bonnet.

Wufei broke down the bedroom door. He had red war paint all over his face and incense sticks burning in one hand. He waved his fingers over Neko Duo and spat a squeal- like chant at him. 

"Where did you learn that Wufei?" Quatre thought he looked like an Indian Medicine Man.

"I got it out of For _Those Who Meditate, Weekly, _my favorite magazine.( Only $19.99 for a limited time. Get 12 whole issues. Call 1-800-Meditate for more info).

There was an eerie poof an Duo poofed right back into himself again. He looked at his fingers and touched his face.

"IM A REAL BOY!" He exclaimed with overwhelming emotion, but his plastic chair collapsed under him, ruining the moment.

Wufei and Quatre looked at each other and collapsed with laughter. Wufei fell on top of the tea party table spilling the tea (water really) all over Quatre in the **wrong** place (if you know what I mean). Quatre then fell over onto his giant oversized Barney stuffed animal which began to sing:

__

I love you, You love me…

Trowa and Heero burst into the room to find a mess of hysteria. Trowa began to convulse and the sight of the singing Barney.

__

We're a great big family…

"Make it stop! Make the hideous beast stop!!!" Trowa screamed in a high pitched girly voice as he backed into the corner and started to rock back and forth "I will not be eaten, I will not be eaten…" He whispered to himself while covering his ears and sealing his eyes.

"Hey Heero, don't you think this bonnet is becoming" Duo joked with the rigid soldier. "I think Quatre has a yellow one if you'd like to join us."

With that remark Heero snorted with anger and grabbed Trowa. He stormed out of the room saying. "I'll kill that damn Maxwell, come on Trowa lets get your happy pills."

Everyone else continued with their insane laughter.

****

The End

Chibi Kamel: Boy was that insane well, tell me what u think, K!


	2. Toaster Revisited

Toaster Revisited

All was mostly quiet. Wufei sat cross-legged on the carpet intensely concentrated on a book, Quatre and Trowa were munching hot buttered toast at the kitchen table, Duo was leaning on the tile counter gulping down apple juice, and Heero was no where to be found.

Yes, it seemed like a seemingly normal day at the G-boys house.

"Somebody get the door!" Wufei yelled from the living room. Quatre and Trowa paused mid-munch to hear footsteps coming up the porch steps. Seconds later the doorbell clanged.

"How did he know…" Duo muttered as he went to answer the door.

He peered threw the peephole (one can't be too cautious) to see a UPS delivery guy shuffling his feet and scribbling on his clop board.

Duo suddenly remembered seeing a commercial with guys wearing similar brown uniforms and the race car driver Dale Jarret saying he wasn't going to race the truck. These thoughts tickled his mischievous part of the brain and he opened the door.

"Please sign he—" the UPS guy was saying as Duo grabbed the package out of his hands and slammed the door in his face. Seeing the package tickled his mischievous part again and he forgot about racing the truck.

Meanwhile, Wufei sat cross-legged on the living room carpet, intensely occupied in his book. There were about 7 incense sticks of various fragrances burning about the room giving it that 4:20 feeling. And, if one looked close enough one could see his lips mutter the words…

"The ring…one ring…"

Back in the kitchen Duo uncharacteristically put the package in the center of the table without ripping it open. This made Quatre squeamishly nervous and he proceeded to gnaw off the fingernails of his right hand. Trowa remained expressionless.

"What's with the package Duo?" Trowa asked

"Well, it says 'DO NOT OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS' on it." Duo replied shifting his weight and scratching his head.

Suddenly and without warning Heero barged in, grabbed the package and took it back to his room up stairs. By this time Quatre hand finished with his right hand and started on his left. Trowa was so surprised at Heero's burglary that his bangs shifted from one side to the other. Duo yelled after Heero and chased him upstairs.

Then finally, when the uproar subsided and Quatre ran out of fingernails, they went back to munching hot buttered toast.

Meanwhile, Wufei sat cross-legged on the living room carpet, intensely occupied in his book. There were about 20 incense sticks of various fragrances burning now. And, if one looked into Wufei's eyes one would wonder if that was actually incense he was smoking…er…. I mean burning. And he started chanting:

"…it is precious to me….my precioussssss."

And one should guess by this time that he was reading _Lord of The Rings_. If one is a cleaver thing.

Upstairs now, Duo was pounding on Heero's bedroom door.

"Pleeeease let me in He-chan!" He pleaded, "I wanna open the package!"

Then suddenly and without warning (as is Heero's style) the door quickly opened and Duo was thrust into the dark room.

Inside, the room was cluttered with mechanical parts, file folders, and floppy disks. Heero pushed a pile of manila enveloped off of an office chair to make room for Duo.

"Take a look at this," Heero began as he pointed to his laptop screen, " I've done a thorough analysis of the package and I have determined it could be of some use to us. Do you remember the Toaster?"

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN AAAAAACHHHHHHoooooooo! Was heard as Duo sneezed mid-sound effect.

"Toaster! How could I forget! I've been allergic to cats ever since." Duo sniffled as he whipped his nose on his sleeve.

Heero glared at him with a shifty eye. "Alright, I've got a plan"

Meanwhile, back down stairs Quatre and Trowa were having a hard time breathing. They peeked though the kitchen door to spy Wufei with about 76 various scented incense sticks burning now and running around the fireplace pretending he was in the mines of Moria. He picked up the poker and screamed, "You shall not pass!!!" at the closest glowing incense stick.

Duo and Heero now had the toaster in hand and were sitting on the stairs witnessing the same extreme OOCness that Trowa and Quatre had seen. 

"Alright Duo are you ready?" Heero prompted.

Duo nodded and rubbed the toaster. Out popped the genie as suspected. Duo was about to open his mouth to make a wish when suddenly Wufei screamed:

"Boy, I sure wish I was a hobbit!"

Before anyone knew what happened Wufei was engulfed in a powdery pink poof that was lightly scented of strawberries. For a moment the toaster was forgotten as Heero, Duo, Quatre, and Trowa emerged from their spying spots to behold a little hobbit named Wufei.

"Hey check it out! Wu-Chan's all chibi-fied!" Duo cried as the pink smoke cleared.

"That's Wu-chan of the Shire to you!" Hobbit Wufei squeaked.

"Change him back Trowa, Change him back!" Quatre began to whine. Trowa rubbed his chin and thought for a moment.

"There's only one way I can think of to cure him…" Trowa said as he grabbed Quatre by the wrist and dragged him upstairs.

            While Trowa and Quatre set off for the cure Duo and Heero had a tougher job to fix: Occupying Wufei. Of course Duo knew just what to do.

            "Alright Wufei Baggins," Duo humored, "I've got a game we can play its called 'Keep Away.'"

            "Oh that sounds like a delightful game," Wufei replied, "we hobbits love games!"

            And with that Duo grabbed Wufei's booty slippers and held them over his head just out of reach.

            "Ha Ha! What's a matter Wu-chan? Short hobbit can't reach the booty slippers?" Duo teased. Heero just shook his head and rolled his eyes at the stupidity of it all.

            Just when Heero thought he could take no more of this madness, Trowa and Quatre ran in with a full tea set in hand compete with bonnets and the leftover hot buttered toast that was now cold.

            "What are you thinking?" Heero screamed as Quatre tied on Trowa's yellow bonnet.

            "Well, it all ended with a tea party last time." Quatre whimpered as Trowa passed out the saucers.

            "You fools the only way to get him to turn back into a real boy is to see the blue fairy, no wait wrong story! Arg, I'll just have to fix this myself." Heero ran up stairs and grabbed the toaster rubbing it violently but nothing was happening. 

            "Come on you blasted genie!" he complained but still nothing.

            Meanwhile, whilst Heero searched for the cure, Quatre was hosting a fine tea party back in the living room (apparently all the incense fumes were finally getting to them.). The tablecloth was laid across the floor and they all sat cross-legged sipping water (that they pretended was tea).

            "Quatre dear this is some fine tea you have brewed" Hobbit size Wufei said in a southern belle accent.

            "Uuum, Yesssum it tis!" Trowa agreed shaking his bonnet-clad head in agreement and speaking in a similar accent. "Do any of y'all mind if I nibble on this here last piece of cold buttered toast?"

            "No no you go on ahead sweetie." Said Quatre.

            "Wu-Wu honey, could y'all pass me the sugaa?" Duo asked.

            "No No sista, you did not just call me Wu-Wu" Wufei shook a finger at Duo, "Are you trying to start somthin with me?"

            "I don't think so but if I was I would take you down short stuff!" Duo spat as he sized up the little hobbit.

            "Now ladies!" Quatre began to plead, but he was too late. Hobbit size Wufei was already screaming.

            "Bring it on!" he cried.

            "Oh it's already been broughten!" Duo said with cheerleader like hand gestures.

            And so the catfight began as Duo and Wufei began scratching at each other's eyes. Suddenly and without warning Heero jumped in with a really big Congo drum and one of Wufei's _For Those Who Meditate, Weekly_ magazines. He had blue war paint on his face and he pounded loudly on the drum.

            Suddenly and without warning times 2, Wufei zapped back into a regularly sized guy.

            "Ahhh injustice!" he screamed as he pushed Duo away from him. 

            "You started it you old booty wearer!" Duo yelled.

            "Alright break it up!" Heero jumped in. He then turned to Quatre and Trowa who were putting eye shadow on to match their bonnets. They stopped their girly giggling when they realized Duo, Heero, and Wufei were staring at them.

            "Are you guys putting on makeup?" Heero asked.

            "Makeup? Um, no this isn't makeup, its new…um…war paint…yeah, war paint for us manly men." Trowa justified as he pointed at the blue streaks down Heero's face. 

            "Well, we have some work to do so, you girly men can clean the dishes" Quatre said in a fake husky voice. And, with that Trowa and Quatre disappeared with their eye shadow back into their room.

            A click was heard as they pulled the door closed. Heero, Duo, and Wufei looked around, laughed insanely, and lit some more incense sticks

The End.

unbraided


End file.
